I haven't written or "blogged" in a long time. I guess I've just been holding a lot in lately. Especially since my family and I moved across the street into Kris's brother-in-laws house. They moved into his mothers home. I have been very stressed out lately. I don't like this house. I want to unpack and decorate but I can't because the others are not moved out fully yet. I have been pretty depressed but at the same time I have been very anxious and manic if that makes any sense. My emotions have been going haywire.
Maddie is getting so out of control. Her temper gets worse and worse every day. She screams and screeches if you tell her no or take something away. She smacks and kicks and throws things at me when ever she is mad which is all the time. I try to spend time with her but she makes it so impossible. She is not even 2 yet. I'm worried that my mental health issues may be affecting her. Maybe she has the same problems as I do? Is the even possible at her age? I am at a loss of what to do with her.
Yesterday Kris took me to go get 2 new puppies. They are adorable but I am afraid I may be biting off more than I can chew. I now have 3 dogs, 2 mice and a rat. I just hope I can handle them all. Maybe they will just give me something to focus on besides my own thoughts.
I have been having trouble getting out of bed in the morning and I am constantly hungry lately. (Thanks Abilify...) All I want to do is eat and sleep. All my clothes are getting tight on me which is depressing me even more. It seems as though no matter what I do, I just can't snap out of this funk. I miss my old home. I miss my family. I miss being able to sleep in and not have to jump up every two seconds to deal with Maddie. I miss my old life. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter and I love my fiance. I just desperately need a break.
I wish I had friends where I live. Someone to talk to who could come visit me almost every day. Someone who could relate to my crazy life. I guess I am just lonely. Kris and I hardly talk or spend time together anymore. I don't know if we are drifting apart or if it is just a phase. We don't seem to have anything in common anymore. This has been getting me down too.
I keep trying to tell myself everything is temporary but it's hard when every day feels like a year. I guess the point of this blog is for me to vent. Thanks for reading.